Blowing off steam

Scotland should quit trying to gain independence, and have a referendum on voting england out from the UK. Hell Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales would get to border off england. You can practically hear the national glee in that sentence alone!

You see however england votes with its huge, heinously saggy landmass, it invariably screws up the whole UK. Brexit is the best example right now, so thanks, you toffers. With england unattached, it means that when our own politics turn a bit sour, we won’t just sit about and say our votes don’t matter, but make a bit of an effort, because we won’t be tethered to a masochistic horde of cyclopean lunatics.

The bad part of that idea is that england has always been a bit of a political cunt. You see england has crapped its way around the island and the rest of the globe for centuries, and yes, we’re sorry that our bastard child didn’t fall far from the tree! Letting england sit and stew in its obsolescence will only turn it into a petty little North Korea.

Just ask Theresa May about prole rights and the NHS, and you’ll probably think we’re already there. Once the Euro trade deal falls through, and it has to fall through, because politicians would rather cut off their nose in a mind boggling and contrary attempt at saving face.

In that event France would end up with the mandate to cause customs chaos in Calais. So while the M20 ends up gridlocked with outgoing produce, we’ll probably be regarded as something on the bottom of Kim Jong-uns shoe, as opposed to right now, where we’re Donald Trumps unwashed socks. We’ll then have to kiss so much arse to get by, we’ll need a chap stick equal to the Eiffel tower. Which is equivalent to saying we’ll be blowing France to get customs moving again. Ah oui!

Then we’ll get to lose our minds, and join the TTIP so we can have profitable imports and exports, and companies like Subway can sell us plastic foot longs while our NHS turns into a sadistic method of population control rather than healthcare for rich or poor, man, woman or child. Just ask the US health racket about how they organise things. You can’t buy that for a dollar!

The smartest thing england can do is untether the Kingdom anyway, and make each government locally autonomous on everything except military matters. As all the national identities have been cultivated and remain after centuries, it’s only a matter of time before we segment, or end up in some ridiculously polite civil war, where we all take pot shots at each other in national papers. Hey wait a minute!

  1. Cunt is a more moderate insult in Scotland, where you’ll be asked if you’re being a funny cunt when you’re just being a bit cheeky or sly.
  2. england, I will have your capital letter returned when you’ve passed your sensibility tests. Ask again during the inevitable 2018 election thanks to your hung parliament, assuming you make the new year. Don’t worry London, you’re good bruv.
  3. This is just a laugh, mostly.



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